Would even Florida Man stoop to robbing his own daughter and driving his entire neighborhood into a panic just to get himself a happy ending?
One Oregon man did just that, stealing a massive amount of his daughter's Girl Scout cookie money.
His entire scheme, he has now explained, was to pay for an erotic massage. Absolutely bonkers.
The Miami Herald reports that Brian Couture, according to police, staged an elaborate robbery to explain why his daughter's earnings were gone.
On March 6, the Washington County native called 911 from his home in Forest Grove, Oregon.
Responding officers discovered a home that had been ransacked.
According to police reports, they even saw blood splattered within the home.
Brian told investigators that he had been attacked by someone breaking into the home.
The incident sent neighbors into an understandable panic.
Anyone might fear burglary, but the news that someone had broken in, fought a homeowner, and ransacked the house filled them with dread.
Some were suddenly afraid to be in their own homes, for fear that the unidentified perpetrator might strike again.
Others purchased alarm systems or even considered moving to a safer residence.
But investigators found that Brian Couture's story didn't quite add up.
Brian had clearly been injured, and his home had clearly been trashed.
Oh, and $700 was missing from a jar that had held his daughter's money earned as she sold Girl Scout cookies.
But police noticed "inconsistencies" in Brian's story.
And even with the presence of blood in the house, police dogs didnt' detect any other scent from the scene — except for Brian's.
But why in the world would someone steal from their own child, ransack their own home, and injure themselves?
In March, Brian pleaded Not Guilty to charges that he had filed a false police report and staged the fake burglary.
On Monday, the Washington County prosecutor's office announced that he had changed his tune and entered a guilty plea.
According to Brian, he had stolen his daughter's Girl Scout earnings and was at a loss to explain why they were missing.
So, he explained, he had staged everything.
To explain why he had "needed" the money in the first place, he explained that he had stolen the funds to pay for an "erotic massage.'
Brian Couture's guilty plea earned him a lighter sentence than some consider to be appropriate.
After copping to the charge of filing a false police report, he was placed on probation.
He has been ordered to complete a mere 80 hours of community service.
He has been fined $100 and will ultimately have to pay restitution to the Girl Scouts, though the amount of that is not yet clear.
However, the Girl Scouts of America have confirmed that the amount missing is $740.
We hope that Brian Couture has learned his lesson from all of this.
His daughter deserves better than the absolute lunacy that he displayed during this series of terrible decisions.