Colton Underwood once worked a professional football player.
On this week’s episode of The Bachelor, however, the main star worked it with one of his ladies and ended up playing a game of tonsil hockey.
Scroll down for a recap of all the romantic and intense action…
Underwood and his swarm of suitors visited Thailand on this installment, just days after the show took viewers to Singapore.
(Editor’s Note: Do you think these relationships so often fail because The Bachelor jets its cast members around the world and they get to know each other under tropical, gorgeous, unusual circumstances… only for the remaining couple to come crashing down to earth when they’re stuck living regular old lives in some regular old American city afterward? Discuss!)
For the first one-on-one date, Underwood took out Heather, the aspiring wife who claims she has never been kissed.
Unable to stop mentioning how “excited” she was to have time alone wth Underwood, she and the dreamy hunk visited a floating city while fans were tortured with numerous close-ups of Colton’s mouth.
At one point, Heather explained to Colton that she dated casually in high school and college and even had a boyfriend for eight months after college. And yet:
They never swapped spit because she just didn’t feel “it” with him.
We’re not sure if a single viewer bought what Heather was selling here, but Colton sure did.
He gave Heather a rose and also her very first kiss as they stood on the beach and watched fireworks. The leading man called the smooch “magical.”
“It literally just felt so natural,” Heather said of getting to first base. “I hoped there would be butterflies and excitement and fireworks, and literally there were fireworks!”
Did Colton’s group date elicit the same response? Not exactly.
It featured 11 women – Onyeka, Nicole, Elyse, Caelynn, Tayshia, Hanna G., Hannah B., Katie, Demi, Sydney, and Kirpa – and a trip to the jungle, where Underwood and his potential mates had to scavenge for food (i.e. bugs) and water — as well as wrangle wild animals.
The women split up into teams to track down nourishment… but Demi, Hannah B. and Hannah G. chose to head into town for burgers and champagne instead.
Colton later presented the group date rose to Hannah B. following her declaration that she was falling in love with him.
Who else received an early flower this week?
Cassie, after she and Colton enjoyed for a one-on-one boat ride to a private island and after he confessed to being “smitten” with the speech pathologist.
These two also enjoyed a serious makeout session with each other.
Later on, however, tension grew between the women, with Colton naturally getting dragged into the middle of it.
Onyeka confided in Underwood that Elyse had warned her about Nicole before she left, alleging that Nicole was only on the show to get opportunities to leave Miami.
Totally not the right reason for being on the show, right?
From there, Colton confronted Nicole with this information, which she denied; although Tayshia backed up Nicole’s side of the story.
At the cocktail party, Nicole told the Bachelor that Onyeka had bullied her since they met.
So Colton asked Onyeka about the claim, which she obviously denied left and right.
Onyeka finished this conversation and headed straighf ro for Nicole, accusing her of lying to Colton.
The women engaged in a screaming match, which Colton overheard, so he decided to sit in on the argument.
Because the rivals would not let him get a word in, as teased on our section of The Bachelor spoilers, he stormed away before a rose ceremony could even take place.
“I’m over it,” he angrily said on the beach.
“Part of me is wondering, what if he’s about to call it quits?” Caelynn wondered out loud.
For the first time in recent memory, the show concluded without a Rose Ceremony, as viewers were left to speculate whether the season is simply over.
(LOL, just kidding! It’s clearly not. In the preview for next week, we saw Colton get steamy with Hannah G., along with him crying about making the “greatest mistake of my life.”)